Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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