hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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