just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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