This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
