still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
