We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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