1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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