oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
