I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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