Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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