He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it because I queefed?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
