dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
