Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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