new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
