She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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