You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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