your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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