I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize