Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
