how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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