nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
