We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
