I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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