the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
