Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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