to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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