she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
two words: eviction party
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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