Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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