i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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