so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You left your phone here
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