what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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