The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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