I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
