So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
