Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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