I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
