I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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