he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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