The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
