good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize