brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
