Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
