I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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