hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
