bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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