I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
