I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
