i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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