Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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