Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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