I got chris browned last night
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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