there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
