Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
