I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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