i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
