We won't sleep together?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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