You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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