just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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