a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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