"it" just moved
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
