I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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