what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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