I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
