your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
