U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
