I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
