we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
