Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
