Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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