if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her vagine was all disorganized.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
