I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
