Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
