glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
