Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
