So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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