your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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