look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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