Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
