I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
