i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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