he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
