I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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