:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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