So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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