butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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