Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They have beer where we have blood.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
